Confessions of a Terrible Cook (Part1)

When I moved to Bangalore last year, my new roommate Git (he was my classmate at NITC) claimed he knew how to cook and proposed the idea of cooking. Both of us suddenly went into action and set up the kitchen with stove, vessels, cooker, gas connection and done! I made him my Guru and after the first cooking session I understood he din knw much! I revoked his ‘Guru’ status the very next day and assumed an equal status as chief chef. We inducted the third roommate (Dev) as trainee.
This is Git's washingMachineVegetable (WMV)Algorithm.
washingMachineVegetableAlgo( vegetables, curryPowder, cooker, salt, water, stove, lighter)

{

wash( vegetables);

cutIntoPieces( vegetables);

putIntoCooker( vegetables, salt, curryPowder, water);

initialize ( cooker, stove, lighter);

while( noWhistle or noCookerBlast or noOtherDisaster)

{

walkHereAndThere();

thinkSomeStupidThingsAsAlways();

sitIdle();

playPrankOn( roommate);

}

if( whistle)

{

if( havePatience) AllowToCool (cooker);

else //no patience

{forceOpen (cooker);}

serve( product);

}

else //blast or other disaster

{

cleanEverything( everything);

keepMum (incident);

}

}
This is the simple WMV Algo.

It resembles the washing procedure ( put dress and washing powder, switch on water supply and power and done!) and hence the name.

A slight variant is the WashingMachineChicken(WMC) Algorithm where the difference is, we put Chicken, Onion and Chicken Masala. In WashingMachineRice(WMR) Algo we put rice instead and wait for 3 whistles. The patent for all these goes to Git. I still remember he was very humble inspite of these vast knowledge and expertise (sale ko kuch bi nahi aata aur baatiein karta tha Taj Chef jaisa….). When I told abt this long after he left Bangalore his response was " Sale kutte kamine, mere khane pe hi tu ji raha tha!!".

Thus we 3 had rice and curry for some time based on washingMachine series of algorithms.

Then I recalled the different colored powders used at home and called up amma (mom) to know more about. She explained each and told when to add and how to. I incorporated powders (red, yellow and all!) chilly and curry leaves to the WM series of algorithms and took our colorless, odorless, tasteless product to a slightly higher level.

One thing about our cooking is that the guy who cooks feel it is okay and the rest feel it is terrible/horrible or whatever. So I came up with the idea of cooking together. All three would be involved in the cooking and as each one is responsible for the final product, every one appreciated it and believed it is almost perfect!

to be continued....

(more to come...including how Dev almost blasted a cooker!)

Click here for Part 2



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